


You're My Safe Place

by ClockworkIsWriting



Category: Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Crush at First Sight, M/M, Mild Language, Nightmares, OOC Martin Addison, One Shot, Rivalry, Simon Spier Needs a Hug, Workaholic Simon Spier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkIsWriting/pseuds/ClockworkIsWriting
Summary: Simon is the successful founder and owner of “Fair Square”, an LGBT+ café in New York.It’s his passion project, his pride, his everything.But his passion and determination start to become unhealthy. Everyone plans their future, their free time. Except for him. He doesn't have time for this.Until he meets Bram - the new part-time cashier.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier, Leah Burke/Abby Suso
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	You're My Safe Place

**Author's Note:**

> I’m no native speaker, so I apologize for any mistakes!

_The yelling was unbearable. Simon‘s eyes were widened in horror, and his mind was an unfocused mess, swaying between ‘Run’ and ‘Make it stop’. He couldn’t see their faces, the stage’s lights were too blinding, but he could very well see the ugly grin of Martin Addison, who was clutching the microphone tightly in one hand. “Semen Queer,” he sang, his voice loud, echoing across the auditorium. Everyone followed. “Semen Queer! Semen Queer!” they chanted as Simon’s headache worsened. He dropped onto his knees, hanging his head low, hiding the tears that were about to run down his cheeks incessantly._

A loud ringing rescued Simon from his worse, most deeply rooted memory. He rubbed his eyes, yawned, and blindly reached for his phone, turning off the alarm. 05:00 AM.

He sat up, put on his glasses, and ran a hand through his thick blond hair. He wasn’t tired anymore. It was a routine he’s been following for the past three years, with rarely any exceptions, so his body got used to it. ‘Another day, another goal,’ he’s told himself all these years ago, like a mantra, and the knowledge of having another possibility to work on and improve his passion project kept him awake and driven each day, every day.

Standing up, he walked to the small kitchen next room. He grabbed a granola bar and a Capri Sun, knowing very well that he could just get a coffee and a sandwich in his café during the day.

Clothes and old paper were scattered on the dark parquet floor, and every dresser and table was covered in random little things he always forgot to throw away. It felt empty in a way. All those rooms in his little apartment barely had any furniture, no life. It looked like someone was about to move out, and maybe he was, in a way, living with his mind somewhere else. In his office with the small couch and file cabinets, those he spent all day organizing. Putting all his time and effort in and wondering why he had no time to clean and decorate his apartment when he knew in the back of his mind that no sane person would want to use a vacuum cleaner after coming home at ten or eleven every night.

He remembered his dear friend, Abby, who was worried about his health and tried to look after him whenever she could.

_“Make sure you’re eating enough, alright?”_

_“Go home now and get some sleep. Working so many hours every day can’t be good for you.”_

_“Simon Spier, you will come to my apartment right this second and I will watch you eat. Do you understand?”_

He sometimes listened. Sometimes not. But a business, no matter how small, doesn’t run itself, and Simon was glad to have the work to keep his worries away and mind focused on every task. It was a great concentration exercise, and he knew he was much more determined and independent than he was in college, all thanks to his little treasure.

The cold water of the shower felt like tiny needles stinging him, but he didn’t bother turning it hotter. Like ice dripping down his skin, he watched the small pearls running down his chest, tickling his fair legs as they quickly disappeared, merging with other tiny droplets.

It was the only time of peace he had every single day.

He dried his hair with a soft towel and changed into a white button-down shirt and black pants. He owned several of these. His closet, which used to be filled with Hoodies of all sizes and colors, was gone. There was no day, even on weekends, where he wasn’t seen in his usual work attire. All day, every day.

He put his glasses back on, put on a trench coat, his cleanest shoes, then grabbed his key and locked the door. Cleaning the apartment would have to wait for another week or two.

Manhattan was always busy. He didn’t stand out from other business people who were hurrying to their work this early. The streets were dirty as he walked along the sidewalk, and he made sure to avoid dark alleys. He’s been living in Manhattan for almost five years and could never trust them. His mind always came up with strange scenarios of robbers and kidnappers lurking in the dark. He didn’t have time to deal with this. He had a goal in mind and employees to support.

The busses were rather empty at this time of day, another perk of going to work early. After paying the old and grumpy bus driver and sitting down next to a young woman in the front, he pulled out his phone to check today’s appointments.

_[06:00 – 10:00] Paperwork_

_[12:00-01:00] Job Interviews_

_[Starting 04:00] Staff Meeting_

_[Starting 07:00]Budget Management_

He stared out of the window, watching as cars drove by and a few shops opened their doors. During busy days, the sun rising is the last thing he had time to focus on.

So he indulged himself.

Cal Price, his confectioner, was already working efficiently when he arrived. The front door was unlocked, and Katy Perry was loudly playing through the café’s speakers. He had to suppress an exhausted giggle. He knocked on the open door leading to the kitchen. “Good morning,” Simon greeted with a small smile, watching as his employee jumped in surprise, swiftly ending his tremendously uncoordinated and improvised dance number. “Oh, Simon! Didn’t see you there!” he grinned, leaning against a counter. “Good morning.”

Cal was wearing the usual employee’s work attire. The bright orange apron, a bisexual pride flag pin, as well as a plain ‘he/him’ pronoun pin. Since the brunette was always working behind the scenes, he was the only one freed from their name tag policy.

Cal wiped his hands on his pants. They felt sweaty, he felt jittery and his heart was pounding loudly in his chest. He feared Simon may hear it.

He watched as Simon walked closer to take a look at the puff pastry he’s been preparing for this past hour. He felt his cheeks heat up, and the urge to touch Simon, to hold him close, became almost unbearable.

“Oh, before I forget,” Cal said, taking a fresh croissant out of the oven, as well as a freshly brewed coffee from the machine Cal usually used for himself. “Here. I know you mostly eat here, so I prepared this for you.”

Simon looked at Cal in surprise, then smiled brightly, taking the coffee and croissant. “Thank you so much. I really needed that.”

Cal nodded. “Of course,” he said, “You’re probably the most hardworking person I’ve ever met. You deserve it the most.” He gently squeezed Simon’s arm, watching as Simon leaves the room to go to his office, a warm feeling spreading in his stomach.

Hope. It was hope he’s had for two years now.

*

_The first time Bram entered ‘Fair Square’ Garrett had forced him to go._

_“Come on,” he said, pulling Bram into the direction of the small café. “You will like it! I’m so sure of it!”_

_Bram had never been a party person. So he avoided gay clubs and bars at all costs. He’s never been in an only-LGBT-environment. He was happy enough to find friends at school who were just as queer as he was._

_But something was calming about the concept of a small café, where he could sit and read a book surrounded by people just like him. So it had been fairly easy for Garrett to persuade him into coming._

_The café was packed when they entered, and the cashiers had a hard time keeping up with the orders. Two guys were hurriedly writing down one order after another. The Latino was smiling at a customer. The white guy was busy behind the coffee machine. Both had a rainbow flag pinned to their bright orange aprons. They looked like college boys._

_The café itself reminded Bram of a wooden cottage. Its walls were an inviting light wood, just like the floor – most likely birch – and every piece of furniture in sight was made out of cherry wood. Pride flags were covering the walls, and some customers were wearing pride flag pins themselves. The toilets were in the back to the right – three doors labeled ‘Female’, ‘Male’, and ‘Non-Binary`. When walking closer to the counter, Bram could see pride flag cookies, croissants, and other baked goods behind the protective glass._

_He instantly felt safe._

_Once they reached the counter, and the Latino was asking for their orders, Bram noticed his name tag. Victor Salazar – Cashier._

_Next to him, Garrett picked up a pride flag pin from a basket. 50 cents each. He rolled the aromantic pin around between his pointer finger and thumb, then ordered a piece of cake and a coffee along with the pin. Just as he was about to order something for himself, he heard a soft voice, grabbing his attention._

_“Benji,” the voice said, and the white college kid behind the counter walked to the side, where a man in Bram’s age waited. He had a tired smile on his face, messy hair falling into his grey eyes that were covered by thin wire-framed glasses. He had no apron on but wore a white button-down shirt instead. A rainbow flag pinned against his chest. Bram couldn’t read his name tag. He tried to listen to their conversation, but the café’s background noises were too loud._

_He was beautiful, and Bram quickly averted his eyes, too scared the young man could catch him staring._

_He quickly ordered when he noticed the cashier – Victor – looking at him rather impatiently. Garrett glanced at him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but Bram only shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it._

It’s been a month since that day, and Bram could never forget the beautiful blonde he saw. He’s never told Garrett why, but they’ve been at the café an awful lot lately. He’s told him it was because of the good drinks and delicious cookies – and although that might be true too – he mainly hoped to see the mysterious employee again. He rarely did. He seemed to be working in the back somewhere.

As soon as he found out about the café looking for a new cashier, Bram saw his chance. He was in desperate need of a part-time job to finance his education, and after his homophobic boss practically forced him to quit, Bram needed a new job as soon as possible. So the job ad Fair Square had taped against their door and every window seemed like a blessing.

He wrote his application as soon as he got home that day. Bram had received his invitation to the job interview less than a week ago, and now he was standing in his apartment, in front of the mirror, fixing his shirt and running a hand through his curls for the 30th time that hour.

Ezra walked into the room just as Bram sprayed some cologne onto his neck. “Woah, Buddy,” his roommate said, waving a hand in front of his face, “This is a job interview, not a fashion competition. Isn’t cologne a bit much?”

“You think so?” Bram asked, panic appearing in his eyes, and Ezra’s expression softened. “No, no. I get that you want to look hygienic and make a good impression. But it’s not like you have to introduce yourself to a lawyer. It’s just a part-time job at a café. It can’t be that hard,” Ezra shrugged, and Bram nodded.

“Yeah … but … I don’t know how many applicants they’ve got. I always have to give my best. I really need this job, Ez.”

Ezra and Bram had been living together for almost two years. Their third roommate, Xavier, was out most of the time. He was ambitious, much more ambitious than Bram, so they only ever saw him for dinner or when he came home to head straight to bed. Apartments in Manhattan were much too expensive for two law school students and a medical school student, so living together was their only choice. And now, with Bram being jobless, Ezra and Xavier were forced to pay the rent, and they needed to save money wherever they could.

So yeah, Bram was in desperate need of a job. And Fair Square would be great. It didn’t matter if he was working for minimum wage. Just to work in an LGBT-friendly environment would be the highlight of his day.

“When is your interview?” Ezra asked, sitting down on the small couch.

“At 12:45,” he answered.

“It’s 12:38.”

Bram’s eyes widened in horror. He ran to the door, grabbed his jacket, and slammed the door shut behind him.

He arrived in time. It was exactly 12:45 when he entered, not as packed as usual. Benji waved at him, a small smile on his face. “Hey, Bram! The usual?” he asked. Bram shook his head. “No, thank you. Can you tell me where Stephanie Munroe’s office is?” he asked. Realization spread on Benji’s face. The college student – a senior – nodded, pointing to a door next to the counter, on which ‘Staff Only’ was written with white block letters. “Last room on the left. Just wait outside. She’ll get you when she’s ready.”

Bram thanked him and walked to the door. It was dark, much less colorful than the café itself was.

He reached the end of the hallway. On the left, just like Benji said, there was a door, _S. Munroe_ written on a small sign on the wall. There was another door on the right. The door was closed, the room quiet. He couldn’t hear a voice, not even the sound of a keyboard or phone. But the light was on.

S. Spier, the sign told him, _Owner_

Bram was sure he’s never met Mr. Spier before. And he wondered where the cute blonde worked. If he worked here somewhere.

Bram sat down on one of the chairs next to Ms. Munroe’s door. It was 12:47. She should ask him in anytime now. He was alone. No other applicants in sight.

And, surely enough, a middle-aged woman opened the door. Her mousy blonde hair was tied up in a loose bun, a white shirt tucked into her pants. She gave Bram a faint smile.

“Abraham Greenfeld?” she asked, and he nodded. “Great. Please, come in.”

And he did.

The room was much more colorful than the hallway. The walls were a nice baby blue, the furniture was also made out of cherry wood and big windows let a lot of sun into the room.

A pansexual flag hung on the wall behind her desk. And a pink mug on the desk read ‘#1 Wife’ in red font.

“Please, sit down.”

Bram did so, on one of the bright yellow chairs. Mrs. Munroe sat down on her desk chair yet again, looking down onto his application. Then she looked up again, her brown eyes staring into his soul.

“Okay, Mr. Greenfeld,” she started, “how was the drive? Did you find the café well?” He knew she wanted to make him feel less stressed, but he wasn’t sure if that worked. His shoulders felt tense, and swallowing was a difficult task. It felt like he had a lump in his throat.

“Oh, it was fine,” he choked out, “it’s not my first time here.” She raised her brows.

“A regular?”

“Kind of? I sometimes come with my friend.”

She hummed in affirmation. “May I offer you something to drink?” she asked.

“No, thank you. I’m fine.”

She grabbed her phone. “Okay, so, you’re the last applicant for today. Normally I would just interview you on my own. But my boss always has the last word when it comes to part-time applicants. Don’t worry. He’s a nice man,” she laughed, and he grinned at her crookedly, not able to force a single sound out of his mouth.

“Mr. Spier? Yeah. Yeah, Mr. Greenfeld is here. Are you coming? Alright. Yeah. Don’t worry,” she said, then hung up once the conversation was over.

Bram looked to the door when it opened, and the cute blonde was standing there, wearing his white button-down shirt, black pants, and a rainbow pinned to his chest. His glasses were crooked on his nose.

Bram felt like he couldn’t breathe. Of all people, he had a crush on the owner? Who was way out of his league?

God freaking dammit. Luck really wasn’t part of his love life.

The blonde – whose last name was Spier apparently – smiled at him and extended his hand. Bram shook it. It was smaller than his, softer, but strong, nonetheless. Bram could read his name tag now. _Simon Spier_.

He liked that name.

“Greenfeld, right?” Simon asked, and Bram nodded. “Great. My name is Spier. I’m the owner. Don’t you worry about a thing. We don’t bite,” he joked, taking a look at Bram’s application. His school certificate, to be more specific.

“But, please, talk a little bit about yourself first,” he said, sitting down next to Ms. Munroe.

“Uh...well…” Bram stammered, hating himself for it, “My name is Abraham, but I’m usually called Bram, and I prefer that. I’m gay, and I often come here with my best friend. I wanted to work here because I feel comfortable in this queer-friendly environment. I’m not a party person, so a café is pretty much perfect for me,” he rambled, hoping what he said wasn’t boring or inappropriate for a job interview.

Simon smiled, a little proudly as if he were happy to hear Bram’s praise. He looked tired, had dark circles around his eyes, and looked like he was living off coffee and other caffeinated beverages, as long as it kept him awake.

Bram knew this habit all too well. He used to be the same whenever there was an exam or his finals he had to study for. But Garrett and Ezra slapped him back to reality every time and helped him understand that sleep was much better than any caffeinated beverage out there. Maybe, just maybe, Simon was in desperate need of that slap as well. But he shouldn’t judge other people or assume their habits, so he shook his head to get rid of those thoughts.

“You have extremely good grades. Wow,” Simon said, “Why do you want to work as a part-time cashier with grades like these?”

“Uh…I still go to law school. I’m in my last year. I was fired from my last job and am in desperate need of money and a job to take the pressure off my roommates who currently pay our rent alone.” Bram certainly hoped he wasn’t too honest. Was what he said wrong? Or too much?

Simon picked up his résumé. “Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Of course.”

Simon’s smile never wavered. It stabilized Bram. Like no matter what he said, it could never be stupid. Or maybe this was some psychological game the HR department was playing with him. He didn’t know anymore.

“How is your schedule?” Simon said, “How often can we put you on our shift schedule?”

Bram thought about it for a moment. “My classes are normally in the morning. I can work afternoon shifts. Except for when I have to study for exams.”

Simon nodded, taking off his glasses to clean them. His moon-gray eyes were even more vibrant without them.

“May I call you Bram?” Simon asked. Bram’s heart felt like it was about to burst upon hearing the way Simon’s gentle voice said his name.

No, no, no. He shouldn’t crush on his maybe-possibly-future boss. No matter how old he seemed to be. Even though he looked like he was Bram’s age. Just no.

“Yes. Of course!” Bram answered.

“Great! So, Bram, I will call you either today or tomorrow to let you know our decision. You’re free to go,” Simon said, taking Bram’s hand for a last handshake.

When Bram left the room, he felt like he was in a trance. He tried to make an organized list of his thoughts in his head.

First of all, the mysterious beauty from a month ago was the café’s owner.

Secondly, he shook Bram’s hand. Twice.

Third, he was anxious about whether or not he’ll receive a call. Or whether or not this call will give him a job. He hoped he won’t stare at his phone too obsessively, but he’s sure he’ll do a bad job.

He couldn’t remember saying goodbye to Benji. Or walking home. Nor does he really know if he answered Ezra who asked him how things went.

He just lied in his bed, unsure of what to feel and what to think. His heart was pounding. His hope to be accepted rising with every passing second.

*

It was almost eleven when Cal finally got to lock the door. He went into the break room to wash his hands when he saw Simon’s office door ajar with all the lights still on. When he walked closer and peeked through the gap, his eyes noticed Simon hunched over his desk. His grey eyes were dull, and he was staring at his phone, rarely blinking.

“Simon?” Cal asked, opening the door further, “Are you okay?”

Simon looked up, surprised to see him. Surprised that he wasn’t the only one in this entire building.

“Uh, yeah, I am. Don’t you worry about me. But what are you doing here?”

Cal shrugged. “I wanted to lock the doors. I thought you had already left.”

“As you can see, I am still here. Busy as always,” Simon grinned, though it didn’t reach his eyes at all.

Cal knew that, right now, it would be the perfect opportunity. _Hey, Simon, are you free? You could come over. I could distract you. I could loosen up your muscles, take care of you, make you feel the love you deserve._

But no matter how many times he opened his mouth, no words were coming out. So he shook his head in defeat and smiled, hoping Simon wouldn’t notice how fake it was. It seemed to be working.

“Anyways. I will go now. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Cal,” Simon answered, and looked back at his phone once the brunette closed the door.

He finally called the number he’s been staring at for the past two hours.

He picked up on the first ring. “Hello?” a tired voice asked, “Who is this?”

“Hello, Bram. This is Simon. Spier. You know, from the café?” He heard rustling on the other side as soon as he said his name. Like Bram was hastily sitting up.

“Uh, of course. Yeah. What can I do for you?” he asked, swallowing so loudly that even Simon could hear it.

“Are you free tomorrow afternoon? Around four? I’d like to give you a little tour. Show you where everything is. How everything works.”

“Yeah,” Simon heard from the other side, “I’m free. See you then?”

He noticed Bram’s voice tremble; Bram was nervous, Simon could tell.

“See you then.”

*

“Is it okay?” Bram asked, watching as Simon took a sip of the coffee Bram had just prepared for him.

Simon couldn’t believe how fast time could fly by. Now it was almost normal to have the younger man by his side. It’s been nearly five weeks since his training, and now Bram had made it a routine to bring Simon coffee every time he was there. And, every time, he asked to make sure it tasted okay. He was responsible, careful, and Simon liked that. It gave him a strange sense of stability and reliance.

“You know what I like,” Simon winked. Bram chuckled, then bit his lip and turned around. He didn’t want Simon to see his blush. It would only be a nuisance for Simon to realize that one of his employees had a crush on him.

And Bram really didn’t want to be a nuisance.

As soon as Simon put his cup onto the table his phone rang. It was Abby, and he did not expect her to call him in the middle of the afternoon.

“Yes?” he said once he picked up.

“You need to come over immediately,” Abby demanded, her voice steady and determined.

“Why? To feed me again?” Simon joked, but Abby only huffed on the other side.

“I’m serious, Si! It’s an emergency! I need your help!”

Simon’s eyes widened as soon as he heard her say _emergency_.

He had no idea what was going on, what might be so important that she needed his help, but whatever it was, it was big, and Simon needed to get out of there and drive to Alphabet City right this second.

“I’m on my way,” he assured her, then hang up. He looked at Bram, who was now glancing over his shoulder with a curious and worried expression.

“I need to go. A friend needs my help. I’m sorry, I know I’m needed here and all, but—” Simon interrupted himself once he felt Bram’s warm hand on his arm.

“You don’t need to apologize, and you certainly don’t need to justify yourself. Now… come on. Help that friend. We’ve got you covered,” Bram smiled at him assuring, his voice calm and his gaze confident.

Simon smiled back, his grey eyes filled with worry, then turned around to leave the room, the door slamming shut behind him.

Stephanie and Bram exchanged knowing glances.

“This guy needs a break. And he needs it now,” Stephanie grunted, “This guy will collapse one day, let me tell you. We’d do okay with him out on a break for a week or two. But he won’t listen.”

Bram looked back to the spot Simon was sitting on just minutes prior. “Yeah…” he replied, his voice gentle and quiet, “maybe someone else needs to tell him then.”

*

It didn’t take long for Simon to arrive at Abby and Leah’s house in Alphabet City.

Abby opened the door as soon as his finger grazed the doorbell. “Simon!” she exclaimed, pulling him inside.

Simon’s been at their place far more times than he could count. It was quite small but comfortable and welcoming. It definitely was much cleaner than his apartment, but they didn’t run their own business, so Simon had an excuse, at least. Every pillow had a vibrant color, and colorful pictures hung on the walls, making the place seem livelier.

“I’m so glad to see you.”

“What’s the matter?” Simon asked, taking off his shoes.

“Follow me,” she simply said and led him to the kitchen. She pointed to the dining table, which was littered with papers, and, upon closer examination, Simon could tell all of them were brochures of engagement rings.

He sat down on one of the chairs. “What- what is this?” he asked, stunned. “You want to propose to Leah?”

She nodded nervously, and his eyes widened in surprise. “That. That’s great! Amazing! I’m so happy for you!” he said, grinning wide, “When will you do it?”

“I don’t know yet,” she groaned, scratching her head in frustration, “I haven’t even found a fitting ring yet! I don’t know what she would prefer. Gold? Silver? Simple? Or something eye-catching? There are so many options. I want to do this right.”

Simon nodded, picking up one of the many brochures. The ring was thin and golden. It wasn’t particularly cheap, but Abby would spend all her saving to make her lover happy, and the blonde knew and appreciated that.

“You should buy this one,” he said, handing Abby the brochure.

“Why? Because it was the first one you took a closer look at?” she sat down in front of him

“No. But. It just speaks to me? I don’t know how to explain this. But it’s just so simple, yet beautiful. Like Leah. Leah prefers simple things. Remember the graduation gift she gave you?” Simon said.

Abby smiled faintly and raised an eyebrow. “You mean the drawing of us?”

“Exactly! That’s what Leah likes. Simple, yet effective. I bought her an expensive watercolor set in middle school once. She was not happy about it.” Abby chuckled at that.

“Thank you, Si.”

“Anytime,” he smiled back.

“I bet your proposal would be amazing. All cute and romantic. It’s such a shame you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Simon raised his eyebrows. “Well, you know I’m really busy with Fair Square, and-“

“-and what, Simon? It’s been three years! Your café is doing amazing. It’s okay to take a break now and focus on other things. You’re not a machine, Si.”

Simon swallowed. People continuously told him to take a break and focus on himself, but he could never find the right time to do so. Or, maybe, he didn’t want to find it.

“Being single is easier. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. You’re free,” he argued, looking at another brochure. As nice as a lover who’d support him sounded, he couldn’t find the time. And how was he supposed to be a good boyfriend if he was always absent and busy? Yeah, not happening.

“You’re in your late twenties. Your last relationship has been five years ago. As far as I know, you haven’t even had hook-ups since then!”

“It’d be very disturbing if you knew about my hook-ups.”

“But I’m right though.”

“Yeah, you are.” Of course she was.

“Just…take a little time off, okay? I’m not saying you should look out for someone to fall in love with, but…just focus on yourself a bit more. We barely get to see you these days, Si,” Abby begged. She looked sad about that, and a wave of guilt hit Simon in the face.

“Yeah, I…I’ll see what I can do,” he said, and that seemed to brighten up her mood. Her smile reminded him of the sun.

Warm and full of hope.

*

_The hallway seemed too long and narrow. He felt trapped under the judging gazes of his classmates. They were everywhere, surrounded him, never leaving him alone._

_“There’s that gay kid,” someone said._

_“Faggot,” another whispered._

_Simon shouldn’t hear them, but he heard it all. The hallway was filled with quick whispers and witty remarks, all about him. Their entertainment was all about him._

_The accidentally outed gay kid._

_It felt like an eternity had passed when Simon finally reached his locker. He felt exhausted like he just survived a week trapped in the Sahara with Bear Grylls._

_He heard snickering behind him, and it took his eyes a few seconds to figure out why._

_ Roses are red _

_ A meadow has grass _

_ Simon Spier _

_ Likes to eat ass _

_He didn’t know who wrote that on his door with a black marker. He also didn’t know if he’ll ever get rid of it. All he knew was that he’s freaking tired of Georgia’s homophobia._

*

The morning Bram woke up he felt unusually refreshed. His shift at Fair Square wouldn’t start until four, and he still had two morning classes to attend, but he felt ready to face the day.

Xavier was already eating breakfast when he left his bedroom. The brunette gave Bram a quick wave.

“Hey, do you already have plans for the evening?”

“No, why?” Bram sat down on the couch.

“Ezra and I won’t be here. He wants to visit his boyfriend, and I’m invited to a sleepover with some friends. You could use that time for some action. Spend the time better than to just hide your face in a pile of books.”

Bram thought about it. He knew Garrett was busy that evening – something about practice and studying – so he had no idea who else to invite over.

“Yeah, maybe,” he answered, and Xavier hummed as a response.

Unless…

*

Simon was in a bad mood; Bram could tell. The shorter male tried to hide behind big smiles and nonchalant gestures, but Bram could see in his eyes – his beautiful gray eyes – that there was distress and humiliation he wanted to hide. But Bram knew better than to pry into his boss’ private life.

The last time he did it got him fired.

So he stayed out of it, but that didn’t change the fact that it hurt him to see his (admittedly) crush like this, so he couldn’t help but to ask: “Hey, Simon. Would you like to come over today?”

Simon looked at him in surprise.

“I…I mean…we could just hang out. Get your mind off things. You seem to be stressed,” Bram quickly added.

Simon smiled slightly, and it finally reached his eyes. “Sure,” he answered, “I’d love to.”

Cal snorted behind the counter. “Isn’t it weird to hang out with your boss during your free time?” he asked. He didn’t like the thought of Bram hanging out with Simon at all.

“But we’ve been to the movie theater before, Cal,” Simon pointed out, “and you didn’t seem to mind.”

Cal opened his mouth a few times, but, unable to come up with a good comeback, closed it for good.

*

Bram’s apartment was not at all what Simon had expected. The kitchen was a mess, and the living room smelled like damp mud, but it was fairly clean otherwise. At least far cleaner than his own apartment.

Though that really wasn’t a challenge now, was it?

“I’m sorry,” Bram apologized, his voice laced with embarrassment and frustration, “My roommates were supposed to clean up the kitchen today. I guess they’ve forgotten about it…again.”

Simon tried to smile at him reassuringly. “Oh, don’t worry about it. You’d run away if you saw my apartment,” he said, making the taller male chuckle quietly.

Spending time was exactly what Simon didn’t know he needed. It was easy, fun, and he could feel some of the tension slowly leave his body.

They did anything they could think of. Cooking dinner, watching three movies, starting a bad TV series, showing each other funny videos on their phones, talking about everything and nothing for who-knows-how-long.

They, in the end, forgot the time, and when they looked outside, they noticed how dark it was. The sun had long set and now the stars were shining brightly in the dark sky. It was by far much too late for Simon to just drive home.

“You should stay here,” Bram said, knowing that Xavier and Ezra wouldn’t be home until sometime in the morning.

Simon nodded, and Bram led the blonde to his bedroom.

Simon vaguely noticed how clean and organized his room was. There wasn’t a single sock on the floor, not a single loose paper on his desk. It was impeccable.

“I can lend you things to wear for tomorrow. I have enough shirts. They won't fit you perfectly but at least you won't have to wear your sweaty shirt from today,” Bram offered, and Simon nodded gratefully, taking off his button-down shirt, but leaving his tank top on.

“Are you okay?” Bram asked eventually, closing the door behind him, shocking Simon back to reality. “Huh?” Simon turned to look at Bram, “Yeah. Of course. Why shouldn’t I?”

“You seemed…off today. A little upset. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Simon looked away, not wanting to meet Bram’s intense gaze.

“Oh, I just didn’t sleep well. It’s nothing at all. I’m doing great, I promise! My business is amazing, I love work. Why shouldn’t I be happy?” he rambled nervously, hoping Bram would believe him.

He didn’t.

“Is there anything I could do? You’re doing so much for us. You’re literally always there for us, no matter how stupid the request. I feel like we should give you something back,” Bram looked down to the floor nervously, hoping Simon won’t be annoyed by his weak attempts at being helpful. Unbeknownst to him, however, Simon found himself utterly moved by Bram’s helpfulness and honesty.

Simon hesitated. He didn't know if he should tell him about his nightmares. In fact, he's never told anyone about them - not even Abby or Leah. Both girls were very aware of what Martin had done to him in High School, but none of them knew that this still affected him ten years later. He still felt the humiliation he felt all those years ago. Like a fresh wound and his business was the only place where he could forget and relax. Where he could be himself without judgment from others because everyone around him was just like him: queer, sometimes even closeted. There was no Martin Addison to haunt him, no homophobes that could bully him or provoke him. He loved his job because it finally allowed himself to be what he couldn't during his school years.

Himself.

He liked Bram, he really did. The younger man was kind-hearted, beautiful and smart. He thought about what to say at least twice and always seemed to say the right things at the right time. Simon was sure that if there was one person he could trust with his secret, it would be Bram.

Perhaps opening up to someone won’t be so bad after all.

„I try to distract myself with work,” Simon confessed, “It's easier. I often have nightmares and the only way to get rid of them, or to at least forget them, is by plunging myself into piles of work, and it's been like that for years. Everyone tells me to take a break…but I forgot how. It became normal to me to work this hard all the time. I don't really know how to relax because, to me, work is the relaxation that I need.”

Bram listened carefully, soaking up every word to think about a conclusive reply. Although he was happy about Simon opening up to him, he did not expect this level of honesty. Especially not the things he admitted. Simon always seemed to be very calm and happy-go-lucky, so to hear that he's suffering greatly from nightmares is a shock and surprise. A negative one, but a surprise, nonetheless.

“I know I'm probably not the first person to tell you that, but it's not healthy to work all the time for years. You're not a machine. You need a break sometimes, and even if you like your work there are other things that you can focus on. Like a hobby or an activity. Maybe just letting off some steam can help, like doing sports,” he answered slowly, picking every word carefully. He didn’t want to upset or offend Simon, he just wanted to give him some – hopefully helpful -suggestions.

Simon sighed, sounding as exhausted as he looked. “Yeah, I know,” he huffed, then chuckled, “But I’m painfully unathletic. And I'm not really talented in anything, so I have no idea what to do.”

Silence.

“I have an idea that could help both of us. If you're okay with it,” Bram offered, surprised by his own boldness. Simon raised a brow. “What is it?” he asked.

Bram pulled Simon closer by his belt, who blushed heavily when he realized what the taller man meant. “But what about work?” Simon murmured weakly, letting out a surprised gasp when he felt Bram’s pillowy lips kissing his neck.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything. Letting off steam, remember?” Bram answered simply, almost disappointed, nibbling on his skin. Simon fought back any potentially embarrassing sounds that could leave his mouth.

Bram barely left any room for thoughts, however, because he was immediately thrown onto his bed. Simon let out a small (manly) shriek. The last time he was intimate with someone was years ago, still during college, with his boyfriend who broke up with him shortly after the start of their senior year. So he was excited, especially because he didn't know how experienced Bram was. He didn't know what to expect, and that excited him immensely.

“Are you okay?” Bram checked in gently. Nothing was more important than consent. Simon nodded, slowly taking off his tank top. He definitely wasn’t muscular, as a matter of fact, he was more on the scrawny side, but when he saw how Bram looked at him, he immediately felt any tenseness and insecurity leave his body.

“You are absolutely beautiful,” Bram whispered, leaning forward to kiss him passionately. Simon kissed back with just as much vigor.

And, soon enough, any coherent thought left his mind, leaving it a blank mess.

*

The one-night stand was a mistake, and Bram knew it.

He loved every second of it. And he may have infused every bit of feelings he had for the guy writhing underneath him into every thrust and every touch. But this whole time he knew in the back of his mind that it didn't mean anything, that they were just two debauched, horny men looking for a way to let off some steam.

And that's what depressed him.

Because Simon may be his boss, but now that Bram knew what Simon sounded like, what he looked like naked, what his skin felt like against his own, Bram knew that he could never go back to being just employer and employee.

He wanted more, a lot more, and he feared that he may never get it.

It's been 2 weeks since that night, and what depressed Bram even more was the fact that Simon didn't seem to be bothered or affected by their actions.

One afternoon, when Bram was busy dealing with a very agitated customer, he noticed Simon leave his office. The shorter man swiftly put his phone back into his coat pocket and turned to face Bram and Victor, who were both working the afternoon shift.

“I'm sorry to leave you so early again. But my friend really needs my help and I promised her to come,” Simon said with an apologetic smile. Victor waved his hand dismissively with a big, reassuring smile on his face.

“Don't worry about it,” the Latino said, “Things are doing well here. I'm sure you don't have to return for the rest of the day. Just help your friend. We understand.”

Simon nodded, told them goodbye, then left the café. He didn’t return for the rest of the day.

*

“I really don't know what I would do without you,” Abby squealed, “I'm sure this proposal will be amazing now!”

Simon grinned wide. They've spent the last two hours coming up with good ideas for the proposal. Abby got the ring and wanted to propose as soon as possible. Simon agreed that he would help her the whole way, no matter what, no matter when.

Now they were just enjoying each other's presence, talking about everything while taking sips from their tea. Simon put down his mug after a few sips.

“I have to tell you something,” he said, “I think I like someone.”

Abby choked on her beverage. “You- what?!” she choked out, quickly putting down her mug as well. “Oh my God, Simon! That’s amazing! Who is it?”

Simon hesitated. He's never voiced his feelings out loud, so to tell her now would feel so final. Like he was making it official, and there was no turning back once he did.

But she looked at him eagerly, with her wide, brown eyes, and he couldn't help himself. Not when he saw his best friend so happy for him. He took a deep breath.

“His name is Bram.”

*

Simon felt absolutely miserable, and it wasn't at all because of the one-night stand. He had enjoyed the night a lot, and if Bram approached him a second time he would say yes in a heartbeat. But that night was the first time in years his body had experienced proper relaxation and now was craving it nonstop. Every time he went to work and stayed late, his muscles were complaining and he felt like taking a long bath, even though his little apartment didn't even have a bathtub.

He felt tired, restless, and no matter how many hours he slept - which usually varied between four and five hours every night - he didn't seem to relax as well as he did when he was with Bram.

Which started to bother him a lot.

He didn't feel like doing anything, which was definitely counterproductive for work, and he knew that.

So, one day, when he was sitting in the break room talking to Cal, he definitely tried to enjoy every single second of his break. He felt dizzy, and the mere thought of standing up was almost too much for him to bear. He just wanted to sit there for the remainder of the day doing nothing but staring out of the window.

He hasn't felt this bad in years.

Cal handed him another cup of coffee, but instead of waking him up, it just made him feel worse. He took a few sips, nonetheless.

“Hey, Simon,” Cal started, “I wondered if maybe you’d like to go out-“

“Uhm, Cal,” Bram interrupted him, peeking his head through the door, “we need another batch of Snickerdoodles. They’re in high demand.”

Cal rolled his eyes but got another batch out of the oven. It smelled heavenly, but Simon felt like he was about to vomit. Everything was spinning.

“I don't feel so good,” Simon admitted slowly. He tried to stand up. Both men rushed over to his side immediately. Bram had his arms wrapped around his waist, while Cal concentrated on keeping him upright.

But it was too late, and Simon felt the exhaustion and strain he’s put his body through for all these years hit him all at once. His vision was blurry, and he felt himself going limp in the men’s arms.

The last thing he remembered was Stephanie’s stern voice, telling him “ _You’ll collapse if you continue like this!_ ”

Then everything went black.

*

_Only two more weeks, Simon thought, two more weeks, then I can finally stay home._

_He’s never been this excited for a break. But his school life has been less than fun ever since the coming-out-catastrophe, so a break from everything was just what he needed._

_He left the school building, ignoring the obvious stares that his schoolmates gave him. They try to be secretive, but he saw everything, no matter how desperately he tried not to._

_Martin Addison was literally the last person he wanted to see leaning against his car. But there he was. Tall and skinny, nothing but limbs. Simon might be gay, but there was literally nothing attractive about Martin to him. He was as attractive as a monkey's asshole._

_“What do you want, Martin?” Simon asked disgruntled. Seriously, he wanted nothing more than to just drive home and talk to no one for the remainder of the day. No friends, no bullies – and especially not the homophobe who outed him._

_Simon felt bad for Martin’s gay brother. The blonde didn't want to know what he had to endure all day, every day._

_“Nothing,” Martin answered dismissively, “I just want to talk. Don't get your panties in a twist.”_

_Simon shook his head. “There’s nothing to talk about.”_

_“Why are you so mad at me?” Martin asked. “I didn't do anything.”_

_“Are you serious?” Simon responded incredulously, “You- I mean, you just outed me against my will. I trusted a friend with something private and the only thing you thought of was to record it to blackmail me! So. Yeah. You did a lot of things. A lot of crappy things and I really don't want to talk to you ever again.”_

_Martin huffed. “You’re exaggerating.”_

_Simon laughed, almost maniacally, but there was no humor behind it. “Oh, am I? Nice one, really. You have no idea what I’m going through. So please just do me one favor and get away from my car so I can go home.”_

_Martin actually stepped away but frowned. “You know, Spier, I used to think that you're a really cool guy. I don't care if you suck dicks, as long as you don't suck mine.”_

_“You don't even have a dick,” Simon retorted quietly as Martin walked away to his own car._

_*_

The floor felt weirdly soft.

But maybe that was because he wasn't on the floor at all. When he opened his tired eyes, he was staring up at his office’s ceiling. It took him a few seconds to figure out he was lying on his couch, and a few more to realize that he wasn't alone. Bram was sitting on his desk chair, watching him carefully. He raised his brows and let out a sigh of relief when he saw that Simon had woken up.

“You're awake,” the black male said, handing him a big glass of water, “You were out for quite a bit.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't want to cause any trouble,” Simon apologized stiffly. He didn't like how formal this conversation was. Like this was just the calm before the storm, that he had to be prepared for a lengthy speech about health and self-care.

But Bram didn’t say anything for a while. He just watched as Simon finished up his water, then reached forward to take the glass and put it on the desk.

“How are you feeling now?” Bram asked, and the blonde shrugged. His vision was blurry, Bram must have taken off his glasses, and he rubbed his eye with one hand. “Tired.”

“You should take a break,” Bram fidgeted with his hands, “so that this doesn’t happen again. We were about to call an ambulance.”

_Cal was freaking out, Stephanie was almost having a panic attack and other employees could barely focus on their work_ , but Bram didn’t need to worry Simon further, so he kept his mouth shut.

Simon looked down in shame. “I'm sorry, I really didn't want things to get this far. I thought I was alright, but then just felt so bad and I couldn't get rid of it.”

“Well, we won't let you work for the remaining week. Can I bring you home? You should rest there.”

Simon blushed. “My apartment is really messy.”

“I don’t care about that.”

Simon eventually accepted.

When they left the office, Stephanie and Cal were standing outside. Both let out a huge sigh of relief when they saw Simon was awake and alright.

Cal hugged him tightly. “God, you scared me,” he whispered into his ear. Simon hugged him back lightly.

*

Simon was right, his apartment was messy, but that was the least of Bram’s worries at that moment. “Where is your bedroom?” he asked, and Simon pointed to a closed door on the right side. When Bram opened it, he was surprised to see barely any furniture. A bed, a night table, a closet, and two lamps – that was it. There was a family picture hanging on the wall, but no more decoration.

Simon lied down on his bed, and Bram took off his glasses yet again, setting them carefully on his night table.

“Is your exhaustion just from work?” he asked. Simon looked to the side.

“No, not really…”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m constantly having nightmares.”

“About what, if I may ask.”

“Martin Addison.”

Bram tiled his head to the side in confusion. “I’m sorry, who?”

“He outed me in High School,” Simon explained, “I came out to one of my best friends one day. He overheard that and secretly recorded our conversation. He used that to blackmail me because he had a crush on another friend. But because I couldn't help him with that, and he was rejected in front of everyone during Homecoming, he decided it was a good idea to out me to the whole school. I’m from Georgia, and Georgia isn’t exactly progressive. So people treated me badly for a long time.” Simon let out a shaky breath.

“I've never felt safe at school. This is why I opened this café in the first place. I wanted people to have a safe place when I couldn't. I didn't want people to feel the same way I did. Lonely. I wanted people, especially teenagers, to know that there is a place where they can be themselves without judgment. Because I didn't have that place as a teenager. So I worked on this dream. For years. But I guess now I went overboard and started to neglect myself.”

Bram took his hands. “I'm sorry that happened to you,” he whispered softly, “I was afraid for a very long time. In fact, I didn't come out to anyone until the sophomore year of college, because I was just so afraid. But I want you to know that you're doing something amazing, Simon. You are giving so many people a safe place, including me, but it's still important to look after yourself.”

Simon nodded weakly. He tried to blink away the tears, but they were still streaming down his pale cheeks.

Bram leaned forward to kiss them away. Simon blushed a bright red.

“Please sleep now,” Bram whispered, not wanting to burst the little bubble around them.

“Will you stay here?” Simon asked a little panicky. Maybe a little desperate, too.

“Of course.”

The last thing Simon felt was Bram’s soft lips kissing his forehead. Then he fell asleep in peace.

No bad memory to torment him this time.

*

A few weeks passed since that incident, and both men found themselves in a weird limbo, swaying between being lovers and being nothing at all.

It was definitely confusing and both wanted to have a clear answer very soon. Both wanted to be in a relationship, but none of them knew how to address it.

So, one day, Bram found himself in the changing room, standing in front of the mirror thinking about what to say.

He didn't hear the door open when he said: “Simon, I really like you and I wondered if maybe you want to go out with me? Be my boyfriend? Wait, no, that sounds weird. We're not teenagers anymore. Okay, again. Simon, would you like to be more than just friends?- Wait, no, that sucks too.” He gripped his hair in frustration. “I really have no idea how to do this.”

He heard a low chuckle behind him. “I'd love to be your boyfriend and go on lots of dates with you,” Simon said, beaming at him, and it was brighter than the sun. Simon hasn’t looked this refreshed in ages. Years perhaps.

Bram turned around so quickly it made him feel dizzy. His eyes were wide, his cheeks red. “Wait- you’re serious?!”

Simon's smile turned into a grin, “I'm serious,” he said, “I like you a lot. Like, a lot. And there is no one else on this whole world I'd rather like to kiss right now than you.”

Bram stepped forward, gently cupping Simon’s cheeks. He kissed him, his soft lips, and they were by far the softest lips Bram had ever kissed in his young life.

*

When they left the changing room, everyone was staring at a scene in the middle of the café. It was Abby, who was down on one knee. Leah was standing in front of her, her hands covering her mouth in shock. Her green eyes widened. Everything was quiet, everyone wanted to see what was going to happen, what was going to be said.

“Leah Catherine Burke, when I first saw you, I thought ‘man, she’s pretty’. I never thought that, one day, I would fall in love with you so much. But I did. I fall in love with you all over again every single day. And I know that you're not really into this big, cheesy romance thing, so I try to keep myself short. But I think that you just deserve to know how much you mean to me, and how much you've changed me. I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. I want to walk around and tell everyone that you're my wife. Yes, I want to show you off because to me you are the best woman to ever exist. And everyone should know that. So, Burke, will you marry me and become Leah Catherine Suso?”

Everyone in the café held their breaths. Everyone wanted to know what the young brunette was going to say. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she choked out a high-pitched:

“Yes!”





End file.
